Double lives

HF is leading a double-life. Not anything sinister, I hasten to add, he's not having an affair or secretly bringing down the Government as a member of Al Qaeda. More disappointingly, he's not a spy either.*

No, it's quite simple really. To all my friends, family and presumably his friends and family, HF is a mild-mannered, generally quiet and occasionally hilarious chap who rarely says mean things about anybody, swears surprisingly little for someone who effectively works on a construction site all day (as an archaeologist, not a builder). These people wouldn't dream that HF has any kind of temper - indeed, the general feeling is that he is the quiet one and I talk non-stop (perfect match, see) and he may even be a little under the thumb.

But when you put a playstation controller in his hands and a game involving blowing things up on the telebox, he becomes a seething mass of rage. Expletives come from his mouth every few seconds. He accuses the game of cheating, claims it's impossible, tells the various opponents that they are fuckers. Sometimes, when he is losing particularly badly, he even kicks stuff. I frequently attempt to remind him that it's just a game. This is met by either stony silence or bad-tempered grumbling. Generally quite touchy feely, if he is in the middle of a losing battle and I come up for a hug or a kiss, he physically pushes me away. It's quite rude, really. He's been known to storm off in search of comfort (usually fried chicken in some form, or a burger). When he's winning, he's prone to laughing maniacally at the screen and saying "take that you tosser".

The same applies if he's watching football. And generally when he watches Time Team. I make him do this in the other room now because I can't quite take the one-sided angry dialogue while he berates all the archaeologists. For what, I'm not sure. He often comes in and tells me afterwards, but these days I tend to tune out when he's talking about archaeology. I'm sure the stories would be interesting if you only heard them maybe once a month. When it's every day, sometimes the same sorry tale, it's less gripping (he knows I'm not listening but I think he just likes the sound of his voice. I think it's much the same when I come back from gym coaching full of excitement that one of my gymnasts has finally achieved a back-flip on her own).

I'm rarely allowed to play the playstation these days due to my complete inability to understand that it's VERY VERY IMPORTANT. Plus, we discovered fairly early on in our relationship that I'm far better than him at any games where you are fighting each other (stuff like wrestling, anything like the old Streetfighter games). I'm shit at racing games though, I crash into stuff.

It just goes to show - you can never tell. So if you like the look of some person, they seem quite normal and non-violent, just test them out in front of a football match or a video game before you invite them into your life. That's when the aggressive thing really kicks in.

*I sometimes think it might be quite cool to be a spy. Not in the James Bond way, more in the Olivia Joules kind of way.

More on that story later.