Compliments and body image

Certain people I know could do with a few lessons in the art of paying compliments. Take one of my colleagues, for example.

Some of you may have noticed that I'm trying to lose weight. Not dieting but eating a bit less and exercising a bit more. And I have lost 13 pounds to date (next weigh-in Friday - gulp).

Anyway, this has not escaped the notice of my colleague AH. Who, by the way, is tall, rather skinny and has the weirdest diet I've ever seen in that all I ever see her eating is sweets, crisps and biscuits and nothing else. She'll have a boiled sweet for lunch.
So, today, we had just finished the main work for the day and were in a fairly jovial mood. She asked me how the weight loss thing was going and I told her I thought it was going well and I was pleased with how it was going.
She said that she had noticed when I was standing over by the printer and said, yes, frangelita, you have a bit of a shape now.

I almost choked. So, before I lost some weight I was an amorphous blob? I had to laugh inwardly because I knew she was trying to be nice. But seriously, that is not the kind of thing you say. To someone's face, anyway. She continued by telling me that extra weight could be ageing and so on, but my face was bright red and all I could do was nod occasionally and sip water.

On a more sombre note, I came across a thing I wrote three and a half years ago as a sort of diary entry.

Entitled 'Fat'.

Reading through it, I could sense so much self-loathing and a desperate need to regain control over my body. You have to remember, I was very physically fit as a teenager and once had a four-pack (oh yes, I was a hottie) but essentially giving up heavy gymnastics training and discovering I loved food made it all go to pot. It made me sad to see this reflection of my former self lambasting myself, hating myself, despising my body.

But there is some good to come out of it. I recorded my weight on that day, and I'm pleased to say I now weigh half a stone less than when I wrote those bitterly unhappy words. During that period I have probably been up and down a bit, but I'm confident it's working for me now. I need to keep on with it and, with the spinning classes which I'm surprisingly enjoying quite a lot, I know I can keep it up.

I'm learning to feel proud of my body again, which is good. And when I slip up and eat rather more of something than I ought, I don't panic and get upset, but nor do I go mad and eat it all.

Oh, and for the record, I did wear my purple flamenco skirt in Barcelona. I looked hot.

More on that story later.