If...

Moving onto cheerier topics, I am going to answer any number of questions about me that nobody has asked. That's the point of blogs, right?

Okay, here goes.

If I could learn one new skill, I would like to be able to breakdance and spin on my head. I go green with envy every time I see someone do it.

If I could meet one person, alive or dead, I would like to meet Jesus Christ. Come on, even you atheists surely must have a few questions for him.

If I could change one part of my body, I w0uld change my elbows. They're surprisingly dry and shrivelled and look like small brains when my arms are straight.

If I could live anywhere, I would probably live somewhere in the UK, maybe in Cornwall by the coast - provided I had my own private jet so I could fly off somewhere exotic when it started raining. Again.

If I could be any animal, I would be a cat - lots of leaping, effortless elegance and the opportunity to lie around in the sun most of the time.

If I was on Who Wants to be a Millionnaire, my phone a friends would be: my Dad, my best friend E, HF, my colleague TM and the fifth place is open.

If I had to give up chocolate or cheese, I would give up chocolate.

I would rather be deaf than blind.

If I was told I could either have two perfect children and a loving husband or the career of my dreams, I don't know which I would choose.

If I was rich, I would rather hire a personal trainer and nutritionist to get into shape than have plastic surgery.

If I had crashed on a desert island with the cast of Lost I would have shagged Sawyer by now.

If I could be stunningly beautiful or mind-bogglingly intelligent, I would be beautiful - because you can study to improve your mind but plastic surgery always makes you look crap.

If I woke up one morning and found out I couldn't do backflips or the splits any more I would cry.

If someone offered me £1million if I let them shoot my cat, I would turn it down.

I would rather be happy than rich.

If I was offered enough money, I would definitely take part in medical research.

If I got run over by a car on my way home from work tonight, my first thought would be regret for not having written my book.

If I could be anyone, I would be me.

That's enough for now, I think. If anyone would like me to elaborate on the above, feel free to ask and I might. Maybe.

I expect this is full of spellings and literals, I've barely slept the last few nights.

More on that story later.