A little history

I feel I should explain a little bit about my history with bicycles. I learnt to ride a bike, as most children do. I think my dad probably taught me. I remember my first bike, it was blue and had stabilisers.

When me and my brother were at school, we were taught how to ride bikes and all about the Highway Code. My brother, who is two years older than me and one year ahead in school, failed his cycling proficiency test the first time he took it. I took the mickey out of him for ages. When my turn came for the lessons and the tests, I refused to take part. I was too terrified of cycling downhill. This may have something to do with going biking in the woods near my house and seeing my brother nearly mangling himself on many occasions.

Despite not being officially proficient, I still took my bike out. My parents, obviously, insisted on me wearing a helmet, but the one I initially insisted on was really, really rubbish so I deliberately lost it. My mum made me wear her old horse-riding helmet. It didn't fit very well and I looked like an idiot.

Time passed, and I stopped riding my bike. Then, many years later, I thought I should get a bike to ride seven miles to work in Suffolk. As it took me about 45 minutes (like I said, slowest cyclist in the UK), I only did it once. Me and HF did go out for a long bike ride one crisp winter day. But misjudged all manner of things and ended up riding back in the near dark with no lights into a freezing wind without anything warmer than a hoodie. We only went out for a couple more rides, the experience cycling back that day was so hellish it still brings me out in goosebumps.

Because I grew up in such a tiny village (there was a row of houses and two farms, and a bus stopped there once a week), I had virtually no experience of riding in towns. This scared the bejesus out of me when I first got to Oxford. Still does, to be honest. I have managed to collide with two cyclists, although not, as yet, any pedestrians or buses.

Just as I live in constant fear of my wheels falling off while driving a car, I have a fear of my brakes failing and the bike falling in half when I'm cycling. To be honest, I'm a bit of a shit cyclist.


I'm sure there was a point in there somewhere, but I think I've lost it.


Oh yeah - I laughed at E when she removed all the lights from her bike before coming into our house. Then last night, someone nicked my bike lights.


Toerag.